Toothpick Whore

Toothpicks. I love them. Why? Like many people in this world, I need an oral fixation at most times. Some people chew their nails, a few their hair, but most people chew gum. I prefer toothpicks. I don't have to chew on myself and I don't have to worry about what to do with them when I'm done. I'm not that big a fan of gum because I don't like it losing flavor after 5 minutes and I absolutely hate having to deal with it afterward. It also angers me whenever I'm walking around somewhere and step in someones gum. Yuck. Toothpicks are great for the following 5 reasons:

1. It promotes good hygiene. Do you want to walk around with food stuck in your teeth? I don't. With a toothpick in your mouth you are inclined to clean your teeth with them.
2. It provides the needed oral fixation that many of us need without the mess.
3. Related to the last, it will strengthen your tongue. This can come in handy if you want to play tonsil hockey with your girlfriend or wife.
4. You look cool. It's kinda like having a cigarette, except that it doesn't kill you and it's a little more hick....similar to chewing on straw.
5. You can stab people with them. If someone ever pisses you off, just pull the toothpick out of your mouth and stab them in the eye. That will teach them.

Leaving Lucille's last night I was delighted to find that they had little boxes of toothpicks for their customers. Now I can carry toothpicks around with me everywhere and not have to worry about stabbing myself as they sit in my pocket. These toothpicks have also been lathed on one end to give them a bit more style. Pretty cool if you ask me. I took 5 boxes.